Dreaming reality and feeling the deep well of what’s been fed to me. It comes out. It can’t hold back. My voice, although it may tremble is a strong force of reason mixed with insanity. No matter how much the vulnerability scares me. This is my plea.
trance
love
romance
voice
human
reality
healing
afraid
manifestation
cptsd
traumatized
partnership
fantasy emotional
plead
imperfection
cocoon
Lyrics
It was only a bad idea because he couldn’t finish what he started
And I’m guilty of the same too
That’s why I hate him
Why I hate myself
I couldn’t finish what I started
As much as I want him
He isn’t here when I need him
I was always there when he called
I hated myself for wanting him
Needing him
And he hated me for needing him
Wanting him
Reinforcing the shame force fed by religious teachings until I’m drowning in my own sin
No one around
They were right
I’m wrong
I’m worth more than second best
So are you
So why do we do this insane dance
Instead of letting our lips touch
Again and again
Don’t go
Please stay
I’m tired of the torture the pain of our separation
Do you feel the same
I always fear
You don’t feel what I feel
When you’re near
You are my medicine
I’m tired of finding out the hard way
Missing you when you don’t miss me too
Like a puppet on a string
You laugh with my heart in your hands
Crushing it with no remorse
Even if I’m not good enough to be your first choice
Won’t you just pretend
Don’t let me wake up from this bliss
Your tender kiss
I want to be enough for you
Do you feel it too
Let’s escape to Never Land
Where forever doesn’t have to be a loveless prison
Make me cum
Yes that’s a challenge
Make me want to stay
Please stay
The way you make me beg it’s so cruel
This is why I hate you as much I love you
You pull me in just to push me away
And I hate myself for doing the same
Hurting you like I do
Because I’m so scared
Scared of what I feel
Scared of you
Scared of me
But damn do I need you
I want you
I just want you to want me too
I don’t want just the mechanics
When we are much more than machines
We are human
It’s time to come alive inside
Wake up from your dormant state of mind
Hiding deep inside
It’s time to emerge out of your cocoon butterfly
In my fantasy you want me and when I wake up
You don’t
Because I don’t get chosen
My traumas
My fears
The alienation
I don’t want to get played
But damn do I need to get laid by the same man over and over again
No matter how much I want to run
I’m not just having fun
When you aren’t here my mind runs amuck
Like I’m going mad and manifesting my fears into reality
You’re my medicine
In this broken system
Were you falling in love too
Because I have a hard time believing a man can fall in love with me
It’s always a joke
And I’m worth more than just a fuck
I’m so scared
Because there is still a traumatized part of me that doesn’t believe
And that’s what holds me back
When you tell me not to let you in
I hear that
I feel that
But when you tell me you love me
I want it so badly to be real
And I don’t know what to feel
I crave to get close stay close and my heart feel safe
Your heart to be safe with me
More than anything
This is why I’m in so much pain
Is this too much too explain
Too much for you to hear
For you to feel
There is nothing brief about this deep well
Beating and bleeding inside of me.